RIP, —

The em dash is dead. Long live the em dash.

Remember the carefree days of yore when one could just write what was on his mind, use whatever punctuation he wanted, or no punctuation at all…

And not be worried that his work would be viewed with suspicion as “written by AI”?

That’s what has happened with the em dash.

Why is it called “em dash” you ask?

I have no idea. I didn’t even know it had a name until The Internet started saying ChatGPT was using it like a teenage boy who just discovered shaving cream. Suddenly, the em dash became the ultimate tell that something was written by AI.

To be clear, ChatGPT is not writing this email. It did however give me the idea for that joke about the boy with shaving cream. So it’s not like it’s useless; it just needs to be used with a little bit of discernment.

See what I just did? I used a semicolon in that last sentence.

So sad.

Until just a few months ago, I would have used the classic —

And no one would have cared.

The semicolon? It’s…cool. Sort of. But it’s more like the nerdy kid with glasses that you let sit at the lunch table because now you’re in high school and it’s no longer cool to shun him.

So you just let him hang around.

So long as he doesn’t embarrass you by being, well, a nerd, no major problems.

But that —…

Sigh… Sniff, sniff.

When you want just the right amount of pause in your reader’s mind before you hit them on the backside of the head with what they truly need to hear in that moment…

You don’t use a freaking semicolon.

You use the —

“So it’s not like it’s useless—you just need to use….”

See the difference?

Maybe you don’t. Maybe punctuation is all the same to you. Periods, colons, commas, parentheses, they’re all just a bunch of nameless, faceless “others” you’ve ignored all your life, without taking one moment to think about their significance.

To me, they’re like my children. Ask me which is my favorite, and I won’t be able to answer. Even with the threat of a mafioso holding a gun to my head, no sir, I won’t answer.

Periods, colons, commas, em dashes, heck, even semicolons, are all precious and equal in my sight.

So you’ll excuse me if I use a — here and there, won’t you?

You won’t look at it and immediately assume I’m cutting corners by having ChatGPT write my stuff, will you.

I use the — because I want to use it. Because sometimes it’s the only punctuation I can use in that moment.

(Not to mention I lost way too many chess matches to nerds while I was in high school. The semicolon brings back too many painful memories.)